I once read this book.
But it’s not the kind of book you read just once.
It’s the kind you read your whole life. It’s the kind that is keeping an eye on you.
It watches your every move throughout the room.
It stands so innocently on the bookshelf, while it so un-innocently keeps drawing your attention.
At first, you try to ignore it.
You certainly don’t want to give attention to a book that behaves itself like a Mona Lisa,
where you feel that it’s eyes can see you wherever you may stand in the room.
For Christ sake, book, stop doing that!
No, you just try to ignore it.
But this book I once read is, as I may say, quite fucking stubborn.
It spreads a sort of book smell into the room that again, un-innocently makes you weak.
The weakness puts you under a sort of spell. It is so un-innocently magic.
You are afraid of that magic. At least, I am.
Why the hell is that book I already read still drawing my attention?
What does it want from me? What could I give it more than the attention I gave it already a couple of months ago?
But of course I know that only the ignored always come back claiming their not received attention.
After several nights of putting myself under the magic of that o so stubborn book, I decided it’s enough.
I mean, I really have to start sleeping again without dreaming about Mona Lisa watching me.
It’s not that I don’t like my nights sometimes rough, but now I want to sleep quietly again.
So tonight I am taking you off the shell.
I hope for your sweet sake book, that you will not regret it.
Because I do know why you want to put yourself in my hands again.
I know I have been neglecting the good lessons you gave me.
If I read you again, you make sure you can handle it.
Because my soft hands will not go through your pages softly again. We will fight, but I hope we will both win.
I know you want me to learn something important.
You know I want to be able to do it. I’ll try again tonight. I’ll do it.
I’ll read those pages you want me to read again. I’ll read and close my eyes and try again.
I’ll try until you think I have tried enough. So I can put you on the shelf and leave me in peace.
Do not get me wrong.
I’ll thank you one day for the pain in the ass you are these days.
Because I know that in this very present moment, you are…
… my future.